Issues
by thevigilante15
Summary: tag to Frame -Up Gibbs realizes Tony has issues with his past and tries to help him through it. Gibbs/Tony father son moments /hints of child abuse Epilogue is UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Issues**

_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. Tag to Frame Up. I think the scene where Tony is in jail reveals more about Tony than we think We all know Tony's father wasn't the nicest guy, but what about Mom?. Hints of child abuse. Spoilers from Chained, Missing Love to know your thoughts. _

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Tony woke up drenched in sweat. He could feel his breathing quicken as his heart raced in response to the images and memories flooding back to him. He ran his hand over his face trying to tug the sleepiness out of his features. It wasn't like he wanted to sleep anytime soon after that. He could still feel the cool bars of the cell and the stiff fabric of the sheets. He looked down and saw with much relief that he was _not_ in a cell, but in his own bed and not in the stuffy cot from the urine smelling jail cell. He dropped his head back to the satin sheets and sighed for small favors. Still even though Chip had been caught, Tony knew the nightmare was far from over. This damn case brought back too many memories…forgotten…buried…but when he was alone…completely alone with his arms wrapped around his legs, he began to imagine what would happen if he didn't get out. What would happen if Gibbs failed him? His past would happen…a nightmare brought back to life.

He shut his eyes tightly and pushed the palms of his hands deep into the sockets. As he struggled to free his mind of the sensations and flashes that plagued him since he had left the police station. . If Gibbs could see him now. What would he think?

_Tony could only imagine:_

_Damn it DiNozzo! What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of man has nightmares about Mommy? What kind of man did your father teach you to be? A pussy? Nah, I'm sure he taught you to be tough….not weak. I hate weakness, DiNozzo…._

_Weak_…Tony felt his stomach rumbling in rebellion. He was weak…a pussy as his father would say. What kind of man was he? He could almost hear the words spewing out of his father's mouth as if he were in the same room with him. His ears burned. Tony barely made it to the bathroom when his stomach gave out. He heaved over the toilet one hand clutching his bare chest as his head pounded against the cool porcelain. _Images…Mommy….sailor suits….hands_… He began to throw up again. _Intimacy my ass…._

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Gibbs took a sip of bourbon and sighed as his course hands made their way over the skeleton of his boat. He brushed away the sawdust that had settled on the edges and tried to keep his mind off his senior agent but found that it was difficult. The week they had been through. Today alone would be enough to drive anyone mad. Thank God Abby stopped Chip. Gibbs would hate to have Tony spend another night in jail because of that piece of crap. Even though the case of who done it? was solved, Gibbs felt something incomplete. His gut was churning as he waited for the reason why to enter his home.

_What the hell am I doing here?_ Tony took a deep breath and opened the door to Gibb's house. He was grateful that Gibbs left the door unlocked because knocking right now just didn't feel like an option. He didn't even know what he was doing here but for some reason seeing Gibbs he thought would make it all seem better. He found himself nearly tiptoeing as he made his way to the basement stairs his heart pounding in his chest.

Gibbs looked up as he heard the stairs creaking. He reached over and quietly pulled out his gun just in case…

"S'okay , Boss. It's just me." Gibbs grinned as he placed the gun beside him and looked up at his guest.

Tony looked like shit. There were dark shadows under his eyes and his hands appeared to be shaking a bit. Gibbs offered Tony a beer to which Tony merely grinned in response.

"Expecting me?"

Gibbs shrugged as he got back to work. "Expecting something." Tony cracked open the bottle and took a large gulp "Yeah, "he agreed, "me too."

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The two mean sat in silence for awhile until at last Gibbs spoke.

"What's on your mind, DiNozzo?"

Tony took another swig of the beer. "Too much." He could barely look Gibbs in the eyes.

"This whole ….thing….brought back some bad memories for me."

Gibbs nodded. "Been in jail a lot DiNozzo?"

Tony gave a weak smirk. "Something likes that."

Gibbs looked squarely at his senior agent. Tony was hunched over the chair trying to make himself as small as possible. Gibbs took another sip of bourbon. taking in the sight of his shaken agent.

"This about what you said in the cell earlier?"

Tony nodded avoiding Gibbs' stare.

"It's true, you know. I never would have gotten out of there if I had to go to trial."

Gibbs continued to sand as Tony spoke.

"I mean….I'm pretty screwed up, Boss."

Gibbs tried to lighten the mood. "Ya think, DiNozzo?" Tony couldn't find it in him to even make a comeback. Gibbs was reminded of Jeffrey White and Tony's pain after that fiasco. Opening up to others did that to Tony.

"We're all screwed up DiNozzo. Trust me."

Tony gave a slight shrug. "Maybe." He took another long drink from the bottle and stood up.

"Thanks, Boss." Gibbs eyed the agent as he stood about to leave.

"Sit down, Tony." Tony kept his back to his Boss.

"I better go."

"You came here to talk and damn it that's what you're going to do."

Tony spun around with a meek, "Yes, Sir." Gibbs nodded curtly happy that his agent still had the sense to listen to him.

"So… did your mother really dress you like a sailor until you were 10?"

After the words flowed from his lips Gibbs knew he had struck a nerve. Tony's face went paler and a look ….almost as if he had gone numb came over his features.

"Yep. Mother could never resist a guy in uniform." After admitting his nightmare aloud in so many words he polished the beer and slammed the bottle nearly shattering it. Gibbs stopped sanding and let the words sink in. He felt his stomach churn at what DiNozzo had just admitted.

"Aw hell, Tony." The kid was running his hands together lost in his own memories leaving Gibbs wondering what his next move should be.

"When did…"

Tony swallowed not allowing Gibbs to finish. "Till she died. I was a little over 10 when she passed. My father decided to ship me to boarding school for next few semesters and then military school. Figured it would make me into a man. Guessing mother didn't quite get it right…."

Gibbs' eyes grew fierce, full of protection and concern. It all made sense. Tony viewed women as sexual objects because…he was viewed as one. Why wouldn't he see women that way? He couldn't get close to them. He couldn't; get close to anyone. If he did, it all fell apart.

"This was not your fault."

Tony said nothing just continued to stare at the floor. Gibbs lowered his eyes hoping to find whatever Tony found so interesting on the floor before him.

"Did your father know?"

Tony let out a low, hollow chuckle. "Oh he knew. Found out right before she died. Always wondered why he had to get her to notice him." Tony flailed his arms with a maddening laugh. "_I_ was obviously in the way!" Gibbs felt his heart constrict and while seeing Tony this animated wondered how far off "Tony" in the jail being prosecuted really was.

"Bastard disowned me. Not a dime. 12 years old…. Guess that's what you get for being a whore…end up in the gutter."

*Whump*

Tony glared at Gibbs.

"Why the hell did you head slap me?"

"You are not in a gutter." He looked around him." You're in my basement."

Tony realized that Gibbs was trying to crack a joke. He found himself laughing. He breathed a sigh.

"Feel better?"

Tony shrugged. "Don't know yet. I still have issues."

Gibbs turned back to his boat_, warm_ feelings of love for the ones he lost as his hands ran over _the Kelly._

"Don't we all."

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_Hope you like! Should I continue? I just got to thinking about what Tony said and the way he worded things that maybe Mom wasn't so great either. Please review! _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 Issues**

_Disclaimer: I do not own. I must say I was overwhelmed with the wonderful responses I was given. Thank you so much to all my anonymous reviewers for taking the time to write a review!!!! Here it is. As before, hints of child sexual abuse/boundary issues as I see it possibly happening to Tony. Please review . It helps me to keep going!!! Italics are the character's thoughts._

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He couldn't breathe. The pain in his chest felt as if someone was crushing him Tony tried to get a bearing on his surroundings. He looked at his body and saw that he was naked, vulnerable. He hated being vulnerable. He needed to be in control of the situations he had to face everyday. Even when playing the fool , he was in control. He was the one who could handle the criticism that may come by making a joke about it before they could. When that control in any aspect was taken away, he was at a loss.

He reached out in the darkness. Then as if a light switch had been turned on, he could see movement from an open door. He peered closely with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. _Not again…._

There Tony watched himself emerging from a bath as a child, hair flopping in his eyes . He was a little bit older than nine years. Still, his mother insisted on bathing him. Maybe it was Anthony' s fault who allowed it as opposed to arguing with her. He never argued with his mother. At least she paid attention to him even if it wasn't the type of attention that was appropriate. Tony was lost in the fact that he was seeing himself as a child, yet his younger self and mother seemed to have no inclination that older Tony was even present. Tony watched as the memories flooded back.

"Mother, why can't I bathe myself? The other kids at school do."

Anthony's mother eyed him warily as she toweled dried him off. "Do they now? Maybe that's because their parents don't care about how clean they get? What kind of mother would I be if I didn't care about you, hmmm? I just don't think you would do a good enough job without me."

Anthony thought about it for a moment as he lowered his eyes to the floor as his mother continued to focus on drying his body. Although she was quite gentle, something felt …wrong, but Anthony couldn't put his finger on it. His mother met her son's eyes. "You are growing up nicely, Anthony. " Her hand ran over his arm and her eyes gleamed. "You are becoming a young man." Anthony wasn't sure what that meant, but felt his heart beating in his chest as a sense of fear began to overtake him.

"Come on, let's get you dressed." The towel that was his only barrier fell as his mother helped him into his underwear, pants and finally his shirt. Anthony wanted to make his parents proud. While his father was often away on business and left the boy to his own devices, he still felt the need to impress him. As for his mother, she took interest in him if it suited her and her need to bathe him…control him ….was one way she was interested. Anthony stood proud as his mother buttoned the last top buttons and leaned back on her heels.

"So handsome."

Anthony felt a blush rise to his cheeks. "Do I look alright?" His mother pulled him closer and began to spin him around. "Let me check." Anthony felt her fingers caress his behind as if looking for creases. She lingered a bit before letting go. "No, you look perfect."

Tony watched the exchange internally screaming. _Why did I let her manipulate me?_ He chastised himself as he bit on his knuckles until he could taste blood. _I need to warn_ _him…_ He opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. He was naked, silent, as he began to bang on the invisible barrier that seemed to have emerge between himself and his child like counterpart. Still, he continued to try and scream.

* * *

Gibbs eyed his agent who had fallen dead asleep under his boat. He continued to sand the boat, rougher than he probably should but he needed to find an outlet for the anger and concern brewing underneath. He could keep an eye on him and know that he was safe. Gibbs took a swig of bourbon from his jar when he saw Tony stirring becoming more violent. _At least he was safe from everyone except himself….._

Tony continued to toss and turn although barely a sound came out of him. One particular turn proved to be too much as Tony lifted his head *thump* right into the boat. Gibbs moved swiftly as he saw the younger man struggling to break free of the boat's entrapment.

"Tony, you OK?"

Tony's eyes were wide and his palms sweaty. "Gibbs?"

Hs voice sounded small to Gibbs' ears. He could only nod afraid of how his own voice might sound to his ears. Tony rubbed his head and groaned. He looked around to take in his surroundings still caught between the world of nightmares and the world in Gibbs basement. He didn't know if he said anything while under the influence of his dreams but he still felt the need to explain somewhat. Fortunately Gibbs beat him to it.

"Nightmare?"

Tony simply nodded thankful that he didn't have to speak. Gibbs sighed and reached behind him and extracted a newly opened beer. Tony took it with a glint of amusement in his eyes grateful for his Boss's anticipation of his needs..

"Thanks Boss." Gibbs gave a nod and a smirk and continued to work on his boat waiting….simply waiting….

_

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Thoughts? Was it OK? Please review! Trying to get in Tony's mind can be emotionally draining. Thanks for reading! Next up, Gibbs tries to understand…...

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 Issues**

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. Thank you again for the lovely reviews from everyone! Hope you like this chapter. I try to keep the characters in character but if it seems a bit OOC for them I think back to when I saw their vulnerability: Gibbs in end of Ex-File, Kill Ari1, SWACK( wild eyed fearful Gibbs my face). Tony: Silent Night in Car with Ziva, Bounce scene with Gibbs, scene with Jeanne, after Jenny's death….I could go on but anyway…imagine that and this story will hopefully make sense____ Mentions of child abuse spoilers for anything up to season 3. _

Paraphrased a bit:

Tony: There isn't a woman who can intimidate Anthony DiNozzo.

Ghost Kate: What about your mother?

Tony (angry): Mothers don't count.

-Kill Ari part2

* * *

Gibbs looked at his watch. Nearing midnight. He looked to his house guest as he sat staring off in the distance. Occasionally, he would rub his hand against the boat as gently as possible but then something would stop him, almost as if it was a sacred creature and one he had no right to touch. Even in the dim lighting he could see DiNozzo's hands shaking a bit. Gibbs ran a weary hand over his face , letting his blue eyes fall onto the younger man. Tony didn't noticed or simply didn't care.

"That's my last beer."

Tony slowly raised his head light reflecting off his pale features.

"What?"

Gibbs stood up and extended a hand to his agent.

"I said that's my last beer so unless you plan on drinking water the rest of the night I suggest we go get more."

Tony eyed his boss suspiciously before grabbing his hand. He took a moment to steady himself against the boat. With a low chuckle he answered, "I don't know about you, Boss but I am in no shape to drive."

Gibbs shrugged throwing a smile over his shoulder.

"Who said anything about driving?"

* * *

Tony began to wonder if showing up at Gibbs uninvited was the best thing right now. While it was nice to have someone there to _was comfort the right word here_? Anyway, to have Gibbs _there _while nice was perhaps not in Tony's best interest now. After walking merely a few blocks, Tony started to feel the weight of his nightmare as well as the weight of the alcohol on his empty stomach closing in on him.

"How much further, Boss?"

Gibbs was about to retaliate that Tony must be out of shape if he couldn't walk a few blocks, but when he shot a look to his agent, he decided against it. Tony's face was ashen and beads of sweat were gleaming in the streetlight. He had his arms protectively around his mid section as if breathing was a struggle.

"Tony?" Concern broke through Gibbs' voice before Tony collapsed to the ground.

Gibbs clasped his hand to Tony's should in a steady comforting grasp following his agent to the ground. Tony's breathing attempted to mellow out through Gibbs constant mantra of "breathe."

Tony clenched his teeth and felt like screaming " I am" but fell silent. He didn't feel like being ridiculed for trying to do what should come naturally. His lungs were burning. Memories of the plague flashed through his mind. _No family there…..not blood anyhow_. Just Kate and Gibbs…_Gibbs still here_…. The thoughts were jumbled and becoming blurred… past and present. He was having a fucking panic attack.

"Gibbs…"

Gibbs continued to hold Tony's shoulder steady, his marine instincts kicking in. He had seen this before in countless of soldiers caught up in visions of the battles they had won but in their minds never left. To Gibbs, Tony was one of those soldiers searching…. "Just breathe, son. Breathe."

. Tony was thrown off the fact that Gibbs had called him son. Part of him relished the word more than anyone would know but the other wanted to push him away. To him, son was not a word he wanted. It was a word no one ever gave him and shouldn't start now.

Gibbs could feel a change in Tony's breathing, a slight one but one nonetheless.

"Feel better, DiNozzo?"

Tony could barely look Gibbs in the eyes. "Yeah, just peachy. Thanks."

Gibbs let go and removed himself from his grip on Tony.

"Stop being a smart ass, for five minutes, will ya?"

Tony 's eyes narrowed in response.

"Why? Can't deal?"

He didn't; know why he was getting angry, maybe it was the bourbon, but he was and an angry Gibbs was not a good one to be around.

He paused trying to collect himself. " Why do you do this to yourself? It's just us, DiNozzo. Me" He pushed two fingers into his friend's chest to emphasize his point... "It's _**ME." **_

Tony's green eyes softened as he looked into the blue ones begging to be heard. **ME**. One word was all it took. Watery eyes turned from the older man as Tony attempted to stand. He looked down pretending to brush off some dirt while the tears fell from his eyes . Gibbs pretended not to notice them.

"Do you have any food to feed a guy, Boss? A stomach full of beer tends to turn me into a girl."

Gibbs cocked a half smile as his hand found the back of Tony's neck with a gentle squeeze. "I thought you might ask that. How does a pizza sound?"

Tony grinned this time for real. "Never thought you'd ask, Boss."

* * *

Gibbs picked up his second slice of pizza from the little shop down his street and cocked his head to his side to stare of the younger man. Tony nearly tore through a whole pie by himself. Gibbs wondered where he put it all. Shaking his head he took a swig of water he found in his hand. He decided to stick with water at this point in case Tony needed to talk. Two of them being smashed wouldn't help anyone. He tried not to stare but his gut was churning to the point of making him sick. He wanted to know, to understand how Tony could go through such things, what things in fact. He didn't want to pry but maybe prying would help Tony get over this….then again….Gibbs thought of Kelly and Shannon and sighed….._would he ever get over it that was the question. _

Tony felt Gibbs' eyes on him and tried his best to ignore it. He wanted to talk, God he did, but something was stopping him. Perhaps it was fear of what Gibbs would think, that was a big part of it_. I mean how often does anyone hear of a mother abusing their_ _child? Who would believe him?_ Another part of him thought he deserved it.

Gibbs put the water down and decided a new approach: gentle interrogation.

"What happened to you, Tony?"

Tony laughed a low, disturbed laughter resembling the one in his jail cell earlier.

"Ah, that's the million dollar question isn't it Gibbs?" He began to stir his finger in the pizza cheese and sauce collected on his paper plate before sucking his finger of its tasty goodness.

"Too much." His voice was low almost as if saying it would make it real. Tony eyed his guests around him. Few people were near the shop , most ordering the pizza as take out. He didn't want anyone to overhear, but for some reason it felt better to talk about it in the open air as opposed to a basement where the memories might echo off the walls.

"Mother always knew how to get to me you know? I mean, there were the instances with the baths and the sailor suits but that was just part of it." Gibbs raised an eyebrow at the confession afraid to stop his agent who continued to speak as if Gibbs was present in his nightmare and understood while he had no clue. Still he dared to…

"Baths?"

Tony's head shot up from the paper plate he was engrossed in. "I didn't; tell you about that?" Gibbs shook his head. Tony felt his breath quicken What could he say without saying it?. "Ah….she used to bathe me until I was about 9 or so… don't remember exactly…..thought it was normal…..till I realized other guys were ….not ….anyway….you know she liked to dress me…." When Gibbs first heard that he thought dressed me, in suits as in being made to dress as…Tony meant it literally being dressed… too much help from Mommy. Kelly was dressing herself by the time she was 3 or 4 for Christ sake.

"She just knew what buttons to push for me to give into her."

"She intimidated you, manipulated you.' Tony's first instinct was to shake his head emphatically no. "No…I mean…. She was my mother….my ….mom…" there he said it. Mom. Usually mother but she was more than that , right? Someone had to be. His dad couldn't; give a shit about him, somebody loved him right?

That's when Tony noticed the unshed tears in Gibbs' eyes. Gibbs never cries. Never ever. Why? Tony swallowed hard. He actually said that out loud didn't he? _Shit._

Gibbs closed his eyes and wrapped his knuckles on the counter top.

"Time to go home, DiNozzo."

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Gibbs was finally starting to understand.

_

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Up next: Tony has more nightmares… and talks a bit more about Mommy. A bit about Daddy may come in too…. Not sure yet… anyway please please review!!! Want to know if I should keep going or not? What do you say? ..


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 Issues**

_Disclaimer: I do not own characters. Thank you again for the reviews and to all my anonymous reviewers! I love the input guys!!! Keep it up!!! Spoilers for something mentioned in NCIS pilot Ice Queen and Meltdown and Witch Hunt._

* * *

The walk home seemed to go a lot faster than expected. Both men were exhausted beyond belief. Tony ran a hand through his brown hair tousling it even more than it previously was. Gibbs watched with uneasy eyes on his agent. He watched Tony's breathing become even as he flopped down on the couch. Tony barely seemed to have the energy to take his shoes off before sleep overcame him. Gibbs cracked a rare smile. Nodding his head making sure his agent was comfortable since he was going to be on that old couch, He took the steps and headed off to bed himself.

* * *

Gibbs was in the middle of a beautiful dream…..Shannon was present holding Kelly closer to her chest laughing and rocking the child gently. Gibbs smiled and laughed in his dream as he felt his heart swell with pride. Kelly was beautiful. Gibbs reached out a tentative hand to hold them one more time. He didn't get far. The sky above him began to darken causing Kelly and Shannon to turn in terror. The wind rustled through his graying hair. The cold was bitter and tore at his flesh with such ferocity. He wrapped his arms around his body in protest when he felt a small tug on his sleeve. Gibbs eyes traveled to the source. A small boy no older than ten gazed up at him. His green eyes were quizzical, and searching. His hands were covered in blood. Gibbs thought he looked like Tony might have at that age, but something told him that this small child was not Tony.

"Tell him."

Gibbs heard the unmistakable pleading in his voice. He felt his breath catch as he heard the shouts of Shannon and Kelly begin torn from his presence. The boy's protests became more insistent.

"Tell him!" He shouted. Gibbs hitched his breath as his family was gone and he was left surrounded by blood and a screaming child.

"Why? It won't help."

The boy's hair whipped into his eyes from the pressing wind as he shivered in the cold. Gibbs instinctively wrapped an arm around him to shelter him. The boy looked up into Gibbs eyes as the once green eyes turned bright blue.

"It will help both of you."

Gibbs shot out of bed, breathing hard. He ran a shaky hand over his face. His gaze looked up sensing another's presence. He saw a shadow in the doorway. It was silent. Its white shirt reflected in the hallway light. Gibbs could see hair sticking out in every direction. His dreams and reality were meshing.

"Dad?"

The shadow moved closer to Gibbs' bed taking a seat on the end. The weight of the figure caused the bed to sink a bit. Gibbs rubbed his eyes again. _No, can't be my dad…must be Tony. _

Tony dropped his head afraid that he was intruding on a nightmare his boss had been having. He let out the breath he had been holding.

"We got a call, Boss. A murdered petty officer found near the dumpsters behind the bar on Eleven Street. Witness was a homeless teen.

Gibbs remained quiet.

"So much for sleep huh Boss?"

Gibbs looked at Tony's red, swollen eyes and gave him a light pat on the back.

"Wasn't much up for sleeping anyway."

* * *

Tony and Gibbs arrived first on the scene. Gibbs walked around the bloody mess that was the victim. She appeared to be gutted. Blood was spattered everywhere from the dumpsters to the cardboard boxes that must have been the boy's home who witnessed the crime. Gibbs and Tony vaguely heard the rumble of the ME van. Tony could see the kid sitting in the corner shoved as far as he could against the alley wall. He was no more than 15 and in complete terror. Tony didn't even hear Gibbs come up behind and lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Why don't you get a statement, DiNozzo?"

Tony swallowed hard preparing to fight his duty. One look at Gibbs eyes and Tony knew he wasn't going to get out of this. Gibbs would see something like this as a form of therapy in which DiNozzo did not want to attend. Nonetheless he took a step forward while receiving a gentle squeeze to his shoulder and whispered words of "Atta boy."

Tony took the words to heart and felt a sense of courage surge forward from them. He went over to the teen. The smell of garbage mixed with blood and urine was assaulting his senses. He ran his eyes over the kid and squatted down to meet his level. The boy was covered in blood, arms hanging loosely by his sides.

"Hey, my name is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, but you can call me Tony."

The kid looked at Tony and weakly shrugged. Tony could tell this kid was new to the streets. He still had that look of innocence about him as to what the streets actually held. Tony had seen enough of kids like this from narcotics and homicide to know.

"Can you tell me what you saw?"

The kid was motionless at first then stared hard at Tony.

"What I saw? What I felt…what the hell do you want to know?"

Tony went back to his pencil and paper. "Did you make the call?"

The kid shook his head. "I took her phone."

Tony nodded writing it all down. "Did you know the victim?"

The kid swallowed before answering. "Yeah. She was my mother."

Tony stopped writing and took a moment to compose himself. "I thought you lived…" he was a t a loss for words. _Once in my freaking life, right? _

The kid's eyes got shifty as he ran a bloodied hand through his hair. "I was…am…I've only been here a few weeks. She was looking for me." The kid got panicked. "I 'm not going back there! Her boyfriend….he …." Suddenly the tough act dropped and he looked so vulnerable. Tony reached out a hand to place on his back but the kid pulled away cringing.

"He…."

Tony felt numb as flashes of colors swirled before his eyes and voices of ghosts he thought he had long buried resurfaced.

_Flashback Halloween_

_Lousy piece of shit*whack* How could you do this to me?*whack* You deserve more than just getting your candy taken away… *whack* more than this….._

Tony snapped back to the present and to the innocent in front of him. No matter what the kid did or didn't do, he didn't deserve this

"I know kid," he sighed, "I know."

Tony slid further against the wall so he was knee to knee with the boy. The kid looked intently at Tony as if waiting for something…anything.

"Long day?"

Tony grimaced. "Long lifetime."

The kid cracked a smile. "I know, man. I know."

* * *

Gibbs watched the interactions and prayed silently first time in a long time that Tony was alright. He was getting distracted by Ducky's constant ramblings and Ziva and McGee's reports. _Focus Jethro. Tony will be fine_. Somehow though Gibbs didn't know if he was saying that for his own benefit or Tony's. Maybe both.

He saw Tony getting up and coming over to him.

"The vic was the kid's mom."

Gibbs winced inwardly. _Why did it have to be the kid's mom?_ He kept an eye on Tony as he finished detailing the kid's events. He nodded when Tony was done. .

"Good job, Tony."

Tony's eyes narrowed. He nodded and went to help the others finish up. Gibbs looked to the kid. _Too much in one day….one lifetime…. Now adding social services was only one more tragedy. _

_

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Hope you guys like! I changed up a bit what I was expecting this chapter to be. No nightmares for Tony but a bit of dad flashback and since it is about issues why not throw Gibbs in as well? Any thoughts? I love the reviews they help me write faster!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5-Issues**

_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS characters. _

_Thank you again for the alerts, reviews, faves on this tale. Makes my day!!! Once again hints of child abuse, boundary issues. _

* * *

It had been a long and brutal evening now turned chilly morning as Gibbs and his team watched the sun rise. It had taken social services several hours to come and collect the witness. Gibbs watched carefully as the teen, Charlie was his name, glare through dark hooded eyes as his gaze flickered to meet Tony's intensive stare.

Gibbs noticed Tony taking Charlie's departure to heart. _You can't help them all_ _DiNozzo, _he thought. Tony shrugged allowing his shoulders to sag slightly keeping his gaze to the ground.

"If looks could kill, Boss…."

"You'd have been dead a long time ago, DiNozzo."

Tony feigned a smile in Gibbs direction.

"Ha, ha." He sighed and ran his hands over the kink in his neck.

"He's a good kid, just a bit lost right now."

Gibbs cocked his head in Tony's direction.

"He'll find his way."

Tony's eyes lightened just a bit. He had a feeling Gibbs was talking about more than just Charlie.

* * *

McGee continued to type his report while keeping one eye on Tony. He was resting his head against the desk leaving only a mop of spiky hair poking out.

"Tony, you do realize you aren't home in your satin sheets, don't you?"

Tony weakly lifted his head to glare at McGee.

"For your information, Probie, I'm done my report. Besides all that excitement with Chipper…." McGee grunted and Tony whined "I deserve a break."

McGee was about to interject when Gibbs voice broke through loud and clear.

"Leave him alone McGee!"

Both Tony and McGee eyed Gibbs. Gibbs looked up from his computer with a surprised look.

"What?"

McGee and Tony faced each other for a second.

"Nothing, Boss."

Gibbs smirked and gave a curt nod.

"Good." He paused a moment before returning his attention back to Tony. "Why are you still here then, DiNozzo?"

Tony frowned at the words. After Gibbs reactions to his outbursts earlier he thought maybe things would be different, but it looks as if nothing had changed.

"I…uh….thought maybe you could use me."

Gibbs gave him a once over.

"Doing what? Mopping up your desk?"

Ziva who had been silent most of the evening snorted and McGee grinned. Tony glared at them both but refused to move. Gibbs didn't push it.

Tony put his head back down on the desk and dreamed…..

_Flashback_

_Anthony awoke to a gentle hand shaking his shoulder._

"_Come on, sleepy head. Time to get up."_

_Anthony rubbed his green eyes and gazed sleepily into the face of his mother. He heart began to pound wildly in his chest when he realized what day it was._

"_Do I have to?"_

_His mother groaned, holding tightly onto the glass jar, a thing which Tony had begun to despise. _

"_You know we need to do this first thing in the morning for accurate results." Tony cringed staring icily at the jar still not completely understanding why something like this had to be done not only at home but each and every time he had a doctor checkup. A part of him wanted to tell her that he could do it himself, but found that he was a t a loss for words._

"_Come on, don't prolong the inevitable, Anthony."_

_He sighed and followed his mother into the bathroom. He hesitated for a moment wishing his mother would leave or change her mind, but she was still there when he opened his eyes holding the jar in front of him._

"_Now, Anthony."_

_Tony used questioning as a last resort._

"_Why again?" _

_His mother was beginning to sound irritated._

"_Because the doctors need your urine to test for things like diabetes. You keep asking the same question. This is not the first teem we have done this."_

_Tony knew and swallowed hard. If it was necessary shouldn't it be done in an office? Some things didn't make sense to him but he trusted her and her judgment, but it still didn't take away his hate. He hated doctors…HATED. This was one reason why. He filled the jar in her hands blushing furiously all the while. _

Gibbs heard a small groan followed by a whispered dispute coming from DiNozzo's lips. He looked up and gazed intently at his agent. DiNozzo twitched. His moans were becoming more pronounced as Gibbs saw McGee inching toward him. Before Gibbs could intervene, McGee tapped Tony's shoulder gently. Tony's head shot up, his eyes looking wild and lost as he registered his surroundings.

"Nightmare?"

Tony locked eyes with McGee and snorted.

"No…I was just having a really good sex dream with Jessica Alba. Thanks for waking me up, Probie."

McGee looked sheepish. Sorry. Sounded like a nightmare to me."

Tony laughed. "Since you've never had sex, I guess it could seem confusing to you, Probie." Tony took in the look of regret in McGee's eyes. He softened his tone secretly thanking McGee for waking him.

"No harm, McGeek."

The moment was shattered by Gibbs phone ringing.

"Yeah…Gibbs."

"Be right down."

He looked to the other two members of the team as they handed in their reports, Ziva bouncing on her heels eager to go home and McGee waiting patiently for his turn. Gibbs gave them a once over and dismissed them for the evening. Tony remained behind.

"Go home, Tony."

Tony grinned. "Love to, Boss, but you're my ride."

Gibbs winced. He had forgotten that.

"I need to see Ducky and then I'll drop you home."

Tony nodded. "I'll go see Abby."

Tony kept a grin on his face as he briefly met the look Gibbs was giving him s they headed toward separate elevators. Tony's mask faltered for a moment as he realized he could never hide from Gibbs again or even worse; maybe he never could to begin with.

_

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What do you think? Pleaser review! Love to her your thoughts. Thanks!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 -Issues

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. Thank you for all reviews and anonymous reviews! I LOVE them. :) Mentions of child abuse. Tony breaks down. If parts seem unbelievable, its fanfic so I just go with it!**

* * *

Gibbs exited the elevator with a steady stride eager to reach Ducky.

"What do you have, Duck?"

"Hello to you too, Jethro."

Gibbs scowled.

"Duck…"

Ducky tsked his friend waving a finger in his direction.

"There is always time for niceties. Although," he noticed the impatient look on his friend's face, "maybe not in **your **case."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "It's late, Duck."

Ducky chuckled. "Don't remind me, Jethro. This reminds me of that time when we were in South America…"

Gibbs looked to Palmer about to engage the young man in conversation in order to find answers.

"Anyway, "Ducky saw he was losing his audience's interest. "It seems as though the young woman here was stabbed repeatedly."

"That what killed her?"

Ducky shook his head vehemently.

"Oddly enough no. It seems that the multiple wounds occurred mostly post mortem with perhaps just one or two during the course of her final moments. This," he pointed to the bruising around her neck, "was the cause of death."

Gibbs leaned forward taking in the sight of purple and black bruising formed around the young petty officer's neck. Gibbs sighed and nodded.

"Strangulation. Good work, Duck." He was about to leave when Ducky grabbed his arm.

"That's not what I wanted to show you."

He bent down and pointed his latex covered hand to a tiny part of raised skin that could only be seen under his magnifying glass.

Gibbs peered through the magnifier and his eyes widened at Ducky's words.

"Serial numbers most likely from a marine dog tag."

Gibbs stood tall with a grin to match.

"That's the first good news I've heard all day Duck."

He strode toward the door as he heard before the swoosh swallowed up the voice, "I already sent it to Abby's lab."

Gibbs headed there for answers and to collect DiNozzo.

* * *

Tony leaned his head back heavily in the elevator with a sudden urge to pound it against the metal contraption. He took another swig from his water bottle. He felt a cold sweat begin to drip down his back. It was unsettling for some reason and he began to shiver involuntarily. The last few days have been rough. Maybe he's coming down with something.

The ding of the elevator acted like an alarm to Abby as she shuffled over to greet Tony in a bone crushing hug.

"Tony! Why are you still here?"

Tony hugged her back fiercely before pulling away.

"Didn't you hear? I live here now."

Abby's eyes narrowed.

"Not funny, Tony. You should be home resting especially since I almost…"

She couldn't finish her sentence. Tony grabbed her hand and squeezed gently.

"Not your fault. It was all Chip's doing."

She shrugged her shoulders. Although she knew that, she still felt as guilty as hell.

Abby returned to the present after she realized Tony's hand was still in hers.

"You feel OK? Your hand is really warm." She began to feel his neck and forehead like a dotting mother hen. Tony didn't protest.

"I think I might be coming down with something."

Abby gave him a smile. "Drink more water so you don't dehydrate and go home!!!!"

She pointed a black fingernail to the exit door. Tony grinned.

"Waiting on Bossman. "

Abby gave a shy smile. "You staying with him? I'm glad because you shouldn't be by yourself. I would have offered you to stay with me but I didn't know how you felt about sleeping in a coffin. It can be a bit squishy if you aren't engaged in you know what. Although Tim did like it…"

Tony closed his eyes against his approaching headache and raised a finger to her crimson lips.

"Too much information there, Abs."

Abby smiled and reached out to hold his hand again. She stood there swinging it back and forth and continued rambling about the case. Tony heard the sounds but they had turned into echoes bouncing off the walls. Colors swirling across his eyes caused Tony a sharp gasp. Abby looked to her companion.

"Tony?"

His grip had tightened and his eyes were glazing over.

"Tony, can you hear me?"

Tony pulled Abby close to his chest. She could feel his heart beating erratically through his sweat soaked shirt.

"Leave her alone…"

His voice trailed off and Abby followed the direction of his stare. Tony kept his eyes on the corner of the lab as he shuffled backward dragging Abby with him.

"What is it? "

Tony wiped a hand across his brow and ignored the question.

_Are you telling everyone I'm abusing you? My God, how could you? _

"Why did you do those things?"

Abby looked shocked. "Huh?"

It took a moment before she realized Tony wasn't speaking with her but rather someone else in the room only he could see.

_I don't remember. Probably because you wouldn't do a good enough job yourself. You know your father and money. No wasting water. You needed me._

Tony began breathing heavily.

"Not like that."

Abby was growing concerned as Tony's grip tightened on her arm.

"Tony, you're hurting me. What's wrong?"

Tony turned to face Abby, pain etched in his eyes.

_See there you go hurting people again. Anyway you can huh? Used to dress like a male whore. Anything to get the girls attention. Objectifying yourself….._

"That's your fault!"

Tony's voice was growing louder by the second as Abby tried to pull away from him.

"Let me get Gibbs, please…"

Tony didn't seem to be listening.

_I told you not to tell people about that other man touching you. My God, what would people think? I tried to help you …stop it…._

His mother inched closer in Tony's hallucination.

"Liar! You did nothing of the sort…."

_Then you go and told someone. They called the house and basically accused your father. Your father!!! Your father would never hurt you would he Tony? You took the easy way out. What happened to you wasn't that bad…_

"He felt me up…"

Abby stopped struggling at the words.

"Who Tony?"

Tony was lost in the past. A ten year old boy trapped while a stranger grabbed his ass completely oblivious to his mother standing beside him.

The breathing….Tony always could hear the breathing…..

His own breathing was increasing and Abby thought for sure he would pass out soon.

_Your father never hurt you did he Tony? He only spoke the truth. You are going to end up in the gutter. Only a matter of time now... what a nightmare you caused with that incident._

"No…"

Abby felt tears escape her eyes at the whispered word.

"Tony, let me help you. No one's there."

_Are you going to listen to her? That crazy bitch of a whore?_

"Shut up!"

Tony let go of Abby and covered his ears to his mother's harsh words. He dropped to the floor and shrank as far as he could in the corner rocking back and forth.

"Leave her alone."

Abby went over to him to comfort but was pushed away roughly.

"Stay away form me! Please," he begged.

Abby sat on the floor trembling slightly at the sight of her friend losing control lost in the jumbled confusion of his own mind's memories and visions. Her reverie were broken when with utter relief she heard the elevator ding. Her face found the only one who could help. She threw herself with salty tears into Gibbs' arms as he took the sight before him.

"Save him, Gibbs."

It was all she could say.

**

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So Tony's finally losing it. Any thoughts? Love to hear them. Still like it??? If so up next will be Tony and Gibbs and the talk. What's wrong with Tony anyway??


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter7**

_Disclaimer: Thank you for the reviews, alerts, both signed and anonymous. I treasure them all____ Don't know how this chapter came out. I tried my best. Hope you like it. Love to hear your comments. Mentions of abuse and language. Thanks as always!_

**Do not own NCIS**

* * *

Gibbs let go of Abby's clinging arms and grabbed hold of her gently.

"Go wait outside…" She began to protest, but Gibbs continued vehemently shaking his head. "Listen to me. Go wait outside…better yet, get Ducky in here. Go now!"

His quiet and confirmed whisper urged her on allowing her one last look at her friend withering on the floor as she went to find Ducky.

Gibbs turned his attention back to Tony and swore quietly under his breath. With a resigned sigh and for once in a long time a trepid heart, he inched closer to his agent with an outstretched hand.

"Tony, it's OK."

Tony's wild eyes shot up in Gibbs direction. His brown hair laid slicked back with perspiration. His ragged breathing, along with the hollow blank stare almost left Gibbs wondering if this was really Tony at all anymore.

"Stay away from me you son of a bitch!"

He threw profanities in his boss's direction along with a steady shove enough to knock Gibbs to the floor. Gibbs could felt the anger boiling below the surface, but suppressed it enough as to not aim it unintentionally to the man seething next to him.

Not DiNozzo's fault….he repeated the mantra. Something else is wrong….

"Hey, DiNozzo!"

Tony stopped moving at Gibbs rough bark echoing throughout the lab. He turned to the man before him and took him in as if seeing him for the first time.

"Boss?"

God, he sounded like a little kid, Gibbs thought. For a moment he had the urge to wrap him in his arms and protect him, but both of them knew it wasn't the way either of them was. Instead he choose to inch himself close enough to sit by his friend's side.

"Yeah… yeah it's me."

Tony tried to smile as he swept the back of his hand over his brow. With a heavy breath he shut his eyes so tightly Gibbs feared he would never open them again.

"What's going on, Tony? "

Tony opened his eyes and turned to his mentor. "I don't know."

The earnestly in which the words were spoken caused Gibbs to wince inwardly. He tried again when he noticed his field agent's intent stare in the corner of the lab. .

"What do you see?"

Tony licked his dry lips, reaching out to take a swig of his water bottle and pointed a single finger.

"Her."

Gibbs looked to the corner of course seeing nothing but deciding to play along.

"What does she want?"

Tony swallowed and turned to Gibbs remorse written on his face.

"I am so sorry…so, so sorry…I never should have….should have said….. …I mean it's not so bad what happened…. Maybe I got mixed up….I just thought…I don't know…"

Gibbs tried to keep up with the rambling and mea culpa but after a few moments was losing what Tony was trying to say but decided to go on his gut on what the gist was.

"It's not your fault. Anything that happened…."

Tony held up a hand and began to hit himself on the side of the head as if to inflict pain upon the demons raging in his head. "Hear me out, OK? I messed up. I thought things were inappropriate but I'm sure it wasn't meant that way…"

Gibbs reached out and held Tony by the wrist trying to stop the internal conflict the only way he knew how.

"Listen to me….I don't know all the details…"

Tony wrapped his remaining hand around his head.

"I won't do it anymore. I can take care of myself. I …I don't need her to hold a jar for me to piss in….doctors my ass….Stupid son of a bitch followed me around, touching me…I can still remember his breathing you know? Always the breathing…. She couldn't save me from a stranger…set me up to be a victim….always a victim….."

Gibbs sat motionless and listened to the ramblings. Tony was making little sense but Gibbs was smart enough to place the puzzle pieces together. He was trying to hold himself together as well.

"The first girl I fucked right? I was 15….the bitch lied to me. Told me she loved me…God I was so desperate…I did things with her…..She was almost 20." His eyes shot a look to Gibbs and began to plead. " IF she were alive , she would have said I was tainted. Not tainted....jsut messed up....I am not a whore; tell me please…I'm not right? I just …I just wanted someone…."

Gibbs looked into Tony's eyes which suddenly couldn't look into his anymore. Tony? Gibbs thought Tony prided himself on female conquests, but usually when he was the one in control…the one who called the shots. Intimacy could never be for him because he couldn't trust anyone long enough. He trusted once before and never again.

"No, you're not." Tony didn't look too sure, but his reassurance was interrupted by something else he heard.

_Stop telling lies about your mother, Anthony. She would never hurt you. You love telling lies don't you? The sympathy act was always your strong suit. _

"Stop it."

Gibbs watched his agent try to make himself as small as possible.

"What is it? "Better yet, he thought, who is it.

"Shut up, Father!"

Gibbs had his questioned answered as he witnessed a fit of rage as Tony threw several chemicals in the direction of the phantom he saw.

_Worthless bastard! We're done. You're done. You're going to Rhode Island, far away form me. You'll amount to nothing, a common gutter rat. _

Tony's breathing quickened and Gibbs knew he was losing him fast.

He decided to take a stab at what Tony was hearing.

"Tell him, you're not worthless. Tell him."

Gibbs allowed a commanding tone to escape his lips needing it to work.

Tony's eyes softened as he fought back tears.

"I deserve it. Everything…mom, that man… …Melanie….all of it. My father was right. He's always right."

Gibbs instincts told him to slap DiNozzo across the back of the head for the wake up call he desperately needed, but something stopped him. Tony believed every word he was saying.

"You were a kid. You didn't deserve any of it." He paused hoping his words would sink in. "You still don't."

Tony was at his breaking point. Hearing Gibbs speak to him like that and trying to block out the shouts from his father was too much to take.

He was shaking uncontrollably. Gibbs reached for his water bottle and offered it to the young man who took it gratefully.

When Tony was done Gibbs knew what he had to do. He held the younger man's shoulders and squeezed them ever so gently.

"Listen to me. I knew a man once…in a situation similar to yours. We were trapped in a fox hole in the Gulf." He paused trying not to let the memories of his own past overwhelm him too much. "He was shot badly, might not make it. He had been like that for hours till he became feverish and delusional Started screaming about what a bastard his father was…used to hit him ". Gibbs broke from his reverie only to see Tony's face intently hanging on his every word with a tears streaming down his face.

Gibbs froze. He had never seen Tony in such despair and he forgot what he wanted to say until he felt a warm hand touch his as it rested on the young man's shoulder.

"What did you do?"

Gibbs blue eyes grew light at the memory of the words he empowered the soldier to say while trapped …trapped like an animal waiting to die. He would not be alone and neither was Tony.

"I told him to say that his father was a son of a bitch."

Tony almost laughed at that information until he realized that Gibbs was quite serious. He shook his head in denial and tried to pull away as he saw in his mind's eye his father getting closer to him.

"I can't, please, don't make me, Gibbs…"

Gibbs tightened his grip moving it from Tony's shoulders to cup his face in his calloused hands.

"Trust me."

Tony's green eyes were clear as he ignored his father' s hands on his body pulling him away from his only link to sanity at the time.

"Leave me alone you sons of bitches!"

The scream tore from his throat and resounded along the halls. He nearly collapsed form the effort of saying what he had felt for so many years and now accepted as truth.

His forehead rested against Gibbs chest as Gibbs kept one hand on his back rubbing it gently.

"What did you do after he said it?"

The words floated in the air hanging, dancing, begging to be answered. Gibbs bit his lower lip grateful that Tony still had his forehead pressed into his chest as the memories of that day and the situation at hand became too much for him to bear.

"I held him like I'm holding you and said," he hesitated as he felt his cheeks grow wet and breathed a broken ,

"Atta boy."

_

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Was it Ok? Next up can Ducky help Tony? Reviews greatly appreciated. Thanks!


	8. Chapter 8

**Issues Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. Sorry for the delay. Too many events to list and excuses to name. Tony lite this chapter. I am not an expert on anything mentioned in this chapter so if I called things by the wrong names, please forgive me. I wanted to give you something for the wait. Thank you for the reviews and all my anonymous reviewers whom I cant' personally answer and the alerts and faves!!!! Hope it isn't too bad. On with the story!**

* * *

Gibbs watched in silent agony as his agent, finally stop shaking and lie still against the cabinet behind him. His breathing was ragged and his face pale and glistening with a thin layer of sweat. Tony wiped the moisture off of his brow and shut his eyes tightly praying for death.

Gibbs kept his silent vigil without moving closer or further away. He simply watched.

Ducky took note of the pair when he entered leaving only a swoosh to mark his presence. Gibbs heard the sound but didn't quite register its meaning as he was lost and completely spent.

Ducky knelt down as far as his old bones would allow close enough to Gibbs ear.

"Is he alright?"

Gibbs sighed a deep resounding sigh.

"No."

Ducky hated to prod but knew he had to get vital information.

"When did this start? Abigail tried to explain the situation but…."

Gibbs could only imagine a hysterical Abby sobbing while trying to explain the irrational situation at hand.

"I think he started when he came down to the lab. He was with me going over information on a case. I was going to see you and he went to see Abby…" His voice trailed off.

Ducky was about to question further when Abby's soft presence was made known as she had followed closely behind Ducky.

"It came out of the blue. I mean he said something about not feeling well and then wham! He was hallucinating."

Gibbs thought for a moment trying to grasp what it could possibly be.

"What was he doing when he began to lose it?"

Abby's brow furrowed as the thoughts circulated. "The water bottle!" He was drinking the water bottle!"

Gibbs looked to the seemingly innocent bottle tossed by Tony's feet completely unaware of its possible involvement.

Gibbs picked it up and looked at it closer. Why didn't he see it before? It looked a little cloudy with some residue left on its sides.

_Damn it!_

"Abby take a sample of this water. I think DiNozzo's been drugged." Abby's face filled with fear as she went to retrieve the bottle and begin her work.

"No…" A soft moan escaped Tony's lips. The fever was beginning to drain him further as the images continued to torture him in his head.

Ducky rose to his feet watching the turmoil Tony was experiencing and knew he was about to be a part of more of it in a moment.

"Jethro, we need to take a blood sample just to be safe. "

Gibbs wrapped his hand behind his neck and grunted. "Can't we just test the water, Duck?"

Ducky wished to resign to his friend's wishes, but knew in his heart that a blood test should be done too.

"We need to do it for Anthony's own health. If he has indeed been drugged, we need to know how much"

Gibbs closed his eyes and prepared himself to invade the younger man's space and his nightmares.

"Tony? Tony, can you hear me?

Tony stared intently at his boss.

"Yeah, Boss. I'm here." He seemed to be coming out of the worst of it, but Gibbs still feared the consequences of his actions.

"Ducky needs a blood sample."

Tony's glazed eyes tried to meet Ducky's but found it near impossible.

"I'm fine."

Gibbs grabbed Tony's shoulders a bit rougher than necessary. "You are not fine! Let Ducky do the damn test!"

Tony's eyes widened and suddenly Gibbs wasn't sure just who he saw in front of him at this point.

"Bastard!"

Gibbs deserved that. He had lost his temper out of fear. Fear was a weakness…_his weakness…._

Ducky took this distraction as his break and began to wrap the tourniquet around Tony's arm praying to find an easy vein. Tony began to struggle against the older man. Ducky nearly lost the needle as Tony ripped it out of his arm.

"I'm not your guinea pig!"

He pushed himself further into the corner wishing he had the strength to stand and run. Ducky capped the vial of blood and stood next to Abby who had tears in her eyes.

She took it without a word and kept her head down. She began to put the blood sample into the centrifuge when she felt a reassuring hand squeezed her shoulder.

"He'll be Ok Abs." Abby only wished she knew that for sure.

* * *

Minutes passed leaving the group to feel as if hours had gone by. Tony was given a mild sedative to relax him and protect himself from the wraiths in his head.

When the Mass Spectrometer beeped, Abby almost didn't check it. She walked over gingerly and scanned the results.

"He _was_ given a hallucinogenic."

Gibbs ran a hand over his mouth releasing his breath.

"It's not a strong dose and should work its way out of his system relatively quickly considering…."

Gibbs nodded and looked to Ducky before his attention to his original purpose coming to Abby's lab to begin with before all of this had started.

"Abby, did you find a match on those numbers off Kathryn Quinto's body?"

Abby shook her head like a rag doll about to lose her stitches.

"Oh, yes, the numbers were a marine number."

Gibbs eyes narrowed. "Who?"

"Ms. Quinto's boyfriend."

Gibbs seemed to take this revelation as no surprise.

"Keep working on that blood sample. I need to call social services."

Abby frowned.

"Shouldn't you put a BOLO out on the boyfriend? I highly doubt he's at social services."

Gibbs glared but it seemed to go unnoticed by anyone conscious in the room.

"We need to bring Charlie back here."

Abby and Ducky watched Gibbs waiting for an explanation

and not liking the one they got.

"He drugged DiNozzo."

**

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Well, I am not sure I am completely happy with it, but I hope you like it! Stay tuned for the next chapter. Tony wakes up and recoups a bit and then to question Charlie-Gibbs style!!! Please review! They make my day!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. Once again mentions of child abuse and language. Enjoy! Thank you for alerts, reviews and unsigned reviewers whom I can not reply to! I love them all!**

* * *

Tony kept his forehead touching the two sided glass in interrogation letting its coolness soothe his aching head. It had been several hours since he was told he had been drugged by none other than a 16 year old boy who was now sitting in the room in front of him with Gibbs. Tony wrapped his arms around himself a little tighter to contain the shakes which still coursed through his body. _This was turning out to be one hell of a week_….

* * *

Gibbs tried to remain calm. He was looking down at some papers but not really focusing on them. Charlie was simply staring off at the two way glass with an unreadable expression on his face. Finally, Gibbs sighed unable to wait any longer.

"Why'd you do it?"

Charlie turned his eyes to Gibbs. His features were pale and hollow.

"I wasn't trying to hurt him, just …distract him."

Gibbs huffed. "Well, you certainly distracted him, Charlie. You damn near killed him!!!"

The boy shrank a bit from Gibbs wrath and even Tony winced as he felt the impact of Gibbs rage.

Gibbs realized that he wasn't going to get anywhere by yelling at the kid. Maybe he needed to see what he had done to be convinced. Gibbs stood up and headed toward the door leaving a small boy alone once again in the room. Tony watched his Boss leave and wondered if he was getting more coffee, when he heard the door behind him open.

"Tony?"

Tony turned to face Gibbs. Gibbs let out a low breath and hated to do what he was about to do but it was necessary.

"Are you up to seeing him?"

Tony pulled his body off of the glass and crossed his arms in front of him lost in thought. Gibbs noticed how his features scowled at the question presented, but he really needed to do this fast before they lost the kid's testimony altogether.

"I think he needs to see what he's done."

Tony closed his eyes. His body was still experiencing some withdrawal systems. Thank God, there wasn't a lot of the hallucinogen in there or he'd be a lot worse than he was.

"Okay."

Gibbs nodded and urged Tony to follow him before he changed his mind.

* * *

Charlie squirmed in his seat, his own body beginning to ache as he actually for the first time that night wished to be back in the orphanage where he would be staying until they could place him with a foster home. He looked up as the door opened again this time bringing not only Gibbs to the scene but Tony as well. Charlie felt whatever color had been in his face fade quickly as he watched Tony take a seat in front of him.

"Agent…uh…Tony….I never meant to hurt you..."

Tony knew the kid was stalling…trying to apologize and make it all better. He also knew Gibbs had been right: the fact that he looked like shit made it easier to get to Charlie.

"Why, Charlie? I mean, was I that bad?"

Charlie shook his dark locks. "No, you were great…"

"So you just drug all federal agents who talk to you or am I the first?"

Gibbs waited, watching Charlie's reaction from the corner of the room.

"I swear I never did anything like that before."

Tony sighed heavily. He didn't; get it and right now he could barely think beyond the fragments of the hallucinations he had just experienced and the pounding headache. He looked to Gibbs before he had even realized what he had done. Gibbs would think he was backing out, not able to handle his duties, but right now he just didn't care. He blurted out the first thing he thought of.

"I'm tired, Charlie"

He shut his mouth after muttering that confession. He rapped his knuckles on the counter.

"I'm done."

He got up nearly falling down if it weren't for Gibbs steadying hand. Tony didn't even realize his boss was there. He thought for sure he would be chewing him out the minute he left the room. Instead Gibbs looked almost…concerned? _As if that were possible…_

He helped Tony to the door when Tony stopped and spun on the kid.

"You're a newbie to the streets aren't you? Two weeks…yeah I guess plenty of time to gain contacts for drugs. I mean could have even gotten it form the old man…"

Charlie's eyes burned at the term so casually tossed out. .

"Old man? That guy is an ass! He beat the crap out of me for months and she…she didn't do a God damn thing!"

There is was…Gibbs and Tony saw it…felt it…_the real Charlie._

"So…what you mean he never scored a little something for you…maybe to bond or….enhance the experience for you? Maybe he really wanted to give you nightmares while he beating the shit out of you..."

The kid got up and Gibbs took a step forward just waiting to see as he tried to get closer to Tony.

"That killing bastard gave me crap… yeah…sure whatever…."

Tony cocked his head. "Killing? Humph… Boss, did you say anything about the boyfriend killing anyone? I mean" he added with a forced chuckle. "You could have and I just missed it since I am too busy hallucinating my own bastard of a father!"

The kid's eyes flared. as he waited

Gibbs shook his head. "No, Tony, I don't think we did."

Charlie backed up from the agents as they inched closer.

"You must have. I mean…how would I know about that? "

The two men stopped and turned to each other. "There are only two ways you could know that. Did you ever see him kill anyone and you didn't tell us?" Charlie had broken in a cold sweat "Or, you killed your mom and tried to blame him."

Charlie ran his hand through his hair and pockets, feeling trapped when he felt himself tripping over the leg of the chair and onto the floor. Gibbs reached down a hand to help him up. Charlie was unsure if he should take it but did and stood up to face Gibbs head on.

Gibbs smirked at the boy and looked to the ground where he saw a shiny silver dog tag reflecting back at him. His eyes softened as he knew what he had to do.

"Charlie Quinto, you are under arrest for the murder of Kathryn Quinto."

He shot a look to Tony who looked as if he wished more than anything that this _**was s**_till one of his hallucinations.

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Well, did you like it? Review please! I ended up writing this very differently than originally planned. Only one or two chapters left. Thanks guys!

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	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10-Issues**

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters. Sorry for the long update…real life and all LOL! Enjoy! Only probably one more after this. This will explain where Gibbs dream came from. Spoilers from Frame Up of course and Ice Queen.**

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The day had been so long. The night seemed even longer. The rain had begun again as it was off and on throughout the wait for social services to take Charlie back into custody. He would be kept watch by a guard until his hearing in juvenile court could take place. Tony watched the kid whose now lifeless eyes could barely meet his. Any anger Tony once had for the lad had dissipated with the rain as he could only feel pity and compassion for the direction the kid's life had turned. With a heavy sigh, Tony leaned into his desk propped up on his elbows, hands around his cheeks. He was so goddamn tired. He stifled a yawn that threatened to approach knowing that his night was not nearly over with a report to finish and a Gibbs to face.

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Gibbs had watched Charlie exit the building and wondered if things were different would the events turned out any differently or was that boy destined for trouble the day he was born? He felt his eyes flicker to his senior agent and wondered that about him too. He wondered it about himself as well. Events that altered his life…events that led to this moment were so calculating and twisted…Gibbs felt a pang of regret pass through his old bones.

He continued to watch Tony even after he had noticed the other agent staring back at him. Maybe he should leave the rest unsaid. DiNozzo had been through the wringer. Then again….he suppressed the image of the blue eyed boy from the other night whose words continued to whisper to him…_**tell him**_**. **

Tony began to squirm under the scrutiny of his boss. He barely dropped his eyes in time before he saw Gibbs standing before him simply waiting.

Tony licked his lips and began to type although he wasn't sure what he was typing at this point.

"Almost done Boss. Why don't you go on ahead and I'll…"

"Enough."

Tony looked up in the direction of the whisper not sure if he understood.

"What?"

"I said enough, DiNozzo."

Tony leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, defensive…_wounded. _

"Enough? Enough?" A forced laugh escaped his lips. "It was enough over 20 years ago…no….just had to be accused of murder…had to be locked up…got me to thinking….." He bit his lip and swore under his breath.

Gibbs continued to stand there doing nothing. He said nothing.

"What no words of wisdom to depart? 'Get over it Dinozzo?' 'What the hell's wrong with you Dinozzo?' Well I'll tell ya…I thought I was over it until all of this." He gestured his arms wildly unable to sit still any longer and stepped closer to Gibbs' face. "I was wrong. Might as well have a self pity party and from what…." His eyes softened as he continued his rant. He lowered his eyes unable to look into Gibbs's blue ones any longer suddenly as if coming to a dreaded conclusion.. "It wasn't a big deal you know. I made so many mistakes in my life. I deserved it."

The words were barely out of his mouth before Gibbs pushed him up against the filing cabinet and held him there.

"I said enough!"

Tony's eyes narrowed. He felt caged, threatened and misunderstood.

Gibbs got into Tony's personal space holding him steady in place meaning to get his point across.

"You think you're the only one who makes mistakes? Do ya?"

Tony remained motionless.

"Well, you're not. There are so many things in my life I wish I could take back…so many …"He paused and Tony cocked his head his heart thumping loudly.

"Can't change the past DiNozzo, the good parts or the bad parts. That's the way it is. You have to except it, learn from it and move on. But what you need to realize is that it wasn't your fault. No one deserves…"

Tony reached his breaking point and began tot push back. Fire raged in his eyes.

"You don't understand! You never had to go through something like that….face yourself and realize that maybe you did deserve it somewhere down the line you would deserve it. I feel like I never had a …." He was about to say a chance but somehow couldn't. The word chocked in his throat. Gibbs took in the look and knew he was about to face Tony's rage head on.

"You don't know anything!"

Gibbs immediately felt small. He could see Tony and hear Tony but somehow felt disconnected. _Never had a ..? A what? A chance? Did either of them?_

Suddenly he knew what he had to do.

"I saw my mom killed in front of me what I was 11."

Tony had his hands on his hips breathing hard when he blinked and took a step back.

"What?"

Gibbs felt the need to sit down and grabbed McGee's chair and rolled it near Tony.

"We had gone for a walk in the woods. Planning on a picnic." He smiled at that memory. "We hadn't hung out together just the two of us recently. It was supposed to be a special day." He stopped not sure if he should continue but found that he couldn't stop himself. "I had gone off chasing something or other when I heard a gun shot. I was hidden in the trees and I saw a man struggling with my mom. Back then I didn't know but I think he was going to rape her. Didn't figure out her to be a fighter. Boy was he wrong. "

Tony had sat down at this point and placed a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Shot her twice in the chest and took off. Never did catch the son of a bitch."

Tony didn't' know what to say but suddenly a lot made sense.

"That's why you became a sniper huh?"

Gibbs eyes stung and continued to avoid Tony's gaze.

"Yeah." He choked out.

The two sat in silence.

"You know what you told me…works for you too, right?"

Gibbs gave a half smile and nodded.

"I know."

Tony let go of his boss's arm and leaned back in his chair.

"How do you get over it?"

Gibbs met Tony's eyes, wishing he held the answer they both sought and spoke.

"You don't."

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Did you like it? Reviews if you can please. I love them! I was really intrigued in Ice Queen when Gibbs said to that boy that he saw something bad when he was his age and told him not to dream about her. I was hoping NCIS would answer that questioned but I guess they forgot LOL Anyway, that's what I think happened.


	11. epilogue

**Chapter11-Epilogue**

**First of all I want to thank all of you who joined me on this journey. It was both emotionally draining and therapeutic at the same time. The reviews and alerts both signed and unsigned made my days and helped to keep me going. This is a short epilogue. Hope you enjoy and please review. See previous disclaimer.**

It had been a long few days. Tony continued to struggle with nightmares. Gibbs found his own resurfacing as well though neither would ever admit to it. The two had gone their separate ways since the night Gibbs revealed a secret of his own. The days returned to quick hellos, a few causal head slaps and glaring (from Gibbs side only) almost as quickly as they had vanished. These reminders of their previous existence before the pain of two troubled pasts had resurfaced were greatly appreciated in their normalcy to both men.

There were a few times when Tony would glance over at his mentor and sigh. He wished…he wished for something he knew would never change: maybe a new type of bonding that would come from their tragedies instead of what they had, but Tony smirked thinking maybe this was enough. Tony was filled with a sense of rebirth and acceptance thanks to the gruff man before him. He had shown him that it was alright, that _he _was alright. He hadn't done anything to deserve his past and he only hoped Gibbs believed the same thing about his although somehow he doubted it. Until the day came, Tony would have his boss's six, no matter what the issues.

**Thanks again. I know it is short, but I needed to add this epilogue. Stay tuned for my next NCIS story post Aliyah- Tony and Gibbs!!!! **


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